When people tell you you chose to be gay

There are no significant differences across age groups. After these initial feelings, it took some time for most LGBT adults to be sure of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Similar shares of young, middle-aged and older LGBT adults say most of the important people in their life are aware of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

This tells us that sexual orientation isn’t a learned behavior or a choice. Is Being Gay a Choice? Among those ages 30 to 49, the median age is 20, and for those ages 50 and older, the median age is Fully two-thirds of gay men and lesbians under age 30 say they shared their sexual orientation with a friend or family member before they were 20 years old.

Again, gay men reached this milestone, on average, sooner than lesbians and bisexuals. Among those who have told a friend or family member about their sexual orientation or gender identity, the median age at which they did this was The median age is slightly lower for gay men 18 than lesbians 21 or bisexuals There are modest differences on this measure by age group among gay men and lesbians.

A majority of employed LGBT adults say their workplaces are accepting of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Ultimately, these journeys are personal and hard to quantify. Some people engage in sexual activity (with same-sex and/or other-sex partners) before assigning a clear label to their sexual orientation.

No matter why those genes are still around, we do know that being gay is partly genetic and partly determined before a baby is even born. Gay men report, on average, thinking around age 10 that they might not be straight. This section looks at the process of coming out—when and how it happens, how difficult it is, and what impact it has on relationships.

Even so, these age gaps may reflect the changes that have taken place in society over the past decade or so. This section also explores the interactions LGBT adults have outside of their circles of family and close friends—in their communities and workplaces. Considering whether people choose to be gay is complex.

These age gaps may be related to the fact that younger adults who may not yet identify themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender but may in the future would not qualify to be included in the survey. Survey respondents were invited to elaborate on their experiences, and many of their stories are captured in an interactive feature on the Pew Research Center website.

For a small share of respondents in the Pew Research survey, this is a step they have not yet taken and may never take. Still, about half say only a few or none of their co-workers know about their sexual orientation or gender identity. How does someone choose to be gay?

There are large differences here across LGB groups. Among bisexuals, there are large differences between men and women in the share who say the people closest to them know that they are bisexual. As the public has become more accepting of the LGBT population, it may be that gay men and lesbians feel more comfortable sharing their sexual orientation at an earlier age.

I was having a discussion with two friends (Christian and Muslim) that I know who say how they don’t support the LGBTQ community, and they don’t respect, but they still love and respect me regardless and believe that people just choose to be gay and how humans were made to reproduce.

Lesbian, gay and bisexual survey respondents were asked how old they were when they first felt they might be something other than straight or heterosexual. Some people know that they are lesbian, gay, or bisexual for a long time before they actually pursue relationships with other people.

Therefore, by definition, these younger adults could not have waited until they were age 30 or older to tell someone they were gay or lesbian. Some seek out neighborhoods that are predominantly LGBT, but most do not. Explore some quotes from LGBT survey respondents about their coming out experiences.

For both lesbians and bisexuals, the median age is The vast majority of lesbians, gay men and bisexuals say they were in their teens or younger when they first started to feel they might not be straight. For lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender people, realizing their sexual orientation or gender identity and sharing that information with family and friends is often a gradual process that can unfold over a series of years.

It is important to note that many LGBT adults followed a different sequence in coming to realize their sexual orientation or gender identity and beginning to share it with others. The median age at which gay men say they were sure they were gay is For lesbians, the median age when they were certain about their sexual orientation was 18, and for bisexuals it was The next step in the process for many people is telling a close friend or family member that you are or might be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

It very much appears that same-sex sexual attraction is not a choice but acting on it is; so if you define gay as the mere presence of same-sex attraction, then from everything we understand, being gay is not a choice. Editor’s note (2/8/): This article was lightly edited for clarity.